As you read my story, if you feel disadvantaged in life in anyway, please think to yourself what are your secret hopes and aspirations. What would it mean to you to achieve them?
In June 2000 while in the most incredible distress with no one to turn to, one Sunday night I was tuning in to my local radio station Metro Radio, with Alan Robson and Night owls. I hoped I could gain some comfort from the Night Owl’s and was also desperately trying to reach out to the whole world, “Someone help, please help!’’
As I was trying to tune in without success, I heard the magic words, “Problem Line.’’ “Wow!” Time stood still, my heart was racing, I seemed to stop breathing, I was not aware of my surroundings. “Problem Line?” Somehow, I knew this was it, my chance, my mind was in overdrive and nothing was going to stop me getting help this time.
Problem Line was hosted by Julia Booth on Radio Newcastle & York, a programme lasting two-hours, where people talked about their problems. The answer to my dreams! I wasted no time in phoning them up. A receptionist warmly greeted me as I poured out my problems and we arranged for me to talk live to Julia the following week. But also I was given the number and address of a local mental health charity and was even told how to get there. From that moment on, I finally had hope. This feeling of hope was so very profound. The next week I poured my heart out to Julia and a guest speaker, I got great advice and it gave me great comfort. “Thank you so much Julia, you ignited the fire within me.” From that point on I would never be so alone again. This was the turning point in my life, a way forward. I was shown the way to a place of safety, Mind in Gateshead.
Due to many compassionate people at Mind, I have been much more able to come to terms with my past life. I met so many people I could interact with and relate too. Comfort, care, compassion and friendship I had it all. My life has never been the same since!
Due to all the wonderful support I received, I started to write poetry and a fellow mental health service user told me, “Paul these are good, they should be published and you should write more.” Well D, I did! So thank you for your kind words. This was the first time anyone had said I was good at something - this to someone who had been rejected all their life, who had no qualifications, a poor left-hander and in emotional distress. Finally someone recognised and told me (Me?) I was good at something!
Well D, within hours I did write another poem and more. Yes, only 15 but by writing them, I actually wrote my pain away. I came to understand what was going on in my past life; they gave my life meaning and showed me the way forward. Importantly writing my poems gave me the chance to communicate with people, share openly all my troubles and to realise my hopes and aspirations. Thank you also D. for lending me your camera that I took Paint the sky red with, yet more kindness and inspiration.
I have since moved on as I was meant to. The people of Mind gave me the means to go forward, which is why they are there. Thank you one and all. Mind became my stepping-stone into the Community.
Now, I truly have that Knowing Smile.
I do hope you can all see by now that when people are in emotional distress and are socially isolated, they more than anything need to be with other people in a safe environment, where they can begin to express their feelings, and with time and support, recovery is oh so very possible.
The rest as they say is history…
©Paul Davidson 2008